Rage

Published on by Raud KennedyLeave a comment

After a trip to the park, Fleegle asks, “Raud, are your eyes blue?”

“Yes.”

“Does that make you the devil?”

“The devil?”

“The blue eyed devil the angry man at the park was talking about.”

“He was ranting politics.”

“Like you do when you get stuck in traffic.”

“Pretty much.”

“But he wasn’t stuck in traffic. He was in a beautiful park on a dry day surrounded by dogs happy to be out.”

“He was stuck in a political traffic jam inside his head.”

Next Bartering with Biscuits – Inspector Fleegle

Previous Bartering with Biscuits – Crunch

First Bartering with Biscuits – The Puppy

Crunch

Published on by Raud Kennedy1 Comment

Hearing something go crunch in Franny’s mouth, I ask, “Franny, what are you chewing on?”

“I dunno. It’s hard on the outside, gooey on the inside and kid of bitter tasting. A nut, maybe.”

I reach into her mouth and pull out a half chewed plastic pen. “Hey, don’t chew on my pens. I need those.”

“But Fleegle said I should try chewing on it. He really likes it.”

Fleegle looks up from his nap. “Plastic provides a very satisfying crunch that’s hard to find elsewhere.”

I toss what’s left of the pen in the garbage. “Maybe so, but then you swallow bits of it and end up puking it on the bed at three in the morning.”

“We don’t need plastic for that, Raud. A bit of swallowed stick is just as good for a late night puke.”

“You say that as if all of those 2am throw ups were planned.”

“Best alarm clock I know of. No fading batteries required, no fear of power outages.”

Franny looks at me, black ink staining her blond snout. “But why can’t I chew on them? I haven’t seen you touch them in weeks and suddenly they’re super important. What are they for?”

“I use them to write short vignettes about Fleegle’s dog adventures.”

Fleegle wags his tail. “Does that make you Watson to my Holmes?”

Franny shakes her head. “I’m not going to be Mrs. Hudson.”

Next Bartering with Biscuits – Rage

Previous Bartering with Biscuits – Mr. Pillow

First Bartering with Biscuits – The Puppy

Mr. Pillow

Published on by Raud Kennedy1 Comment

I lie on my bed, reading before I take a nap after a late lunch on Sunday. Fleegle keeps shifting positions to goober this part or that part of his body, shaking the whole bed as he does.

I look at him over the top of my book. “Fleegle, go lie down on your pillow and give your goobering a rest, please.”

As he gets up and moves to his pillow, Franny jumps up on the bed and plops down on top of my stomach. I look at her, my eyebrows raised, and give her a look that asks her what she thinks she’s doing lying on top of my stomach just after I ate lunch.

She lifts her head at me. “What? You said go to our pillows. That’s what I’m doing, getting on my pillow.”

“I’m your pillow.”

“Well, I’ve tried Fleegle, but as you’ve noticed he doesn’t stay put long enough to get a good nap in. You’re much better at that than he is. You stay put plenty long to get a good nap in. Sometimes your body even forgets to breathe and needs a gentle nose bump to remind it to.”

Fifty pounds of Labrador puppy on top of my belly just after cold pizza for lunch is too much. I shift my hips and she slides off of me onto the bed, leaving just her head using me as a pillow. She seems fine with that and I return to reading my book.

Moments later, she nudges my hand with her wet nose. “Pet me,” she says.

And I say, “Take a nap.”

“No, pet me.”

I ignore her. She nose bumps me again. “Pet me.”

I move my hand away.

She gets up and moves closer to my hand. “Pet me.”

I give in without thinking and pet her as I read. Then the whole bed moves as Fleegle gets up and eases his eighty-five pound butt on top of my stomach.

My eyebrows go up at him in a questioning look. “Fleegle, what are you doing?”

He glances at Franny, then back at me and wags his tail. “Pet me.”

Next Bartering with Biscuits – Crunch

Previous Bartering with Biscuits – Nails

First Bartering with Biscuits – The Puppy