Dog Humor – Page 7 – Gnawing the Bone

Negotiating with Cookies #21 – Self Help

Published on September 15, 2014November 6, 2014 by Raud Kennedy1 Comment

Fleegle and I are in the den, being couch potatoes watching television.

“This can really help you with your self-image,” the guest on the couch says to the television talk show host.

Fleegle stops chewing on his ball and snorts, “What are these people talking about?”

“It’s almost over.”

“Self-image? What’s that? And why does it need help? Is it in trouble?” he asks. “Did it poop in the house?”

“A self-image is how you see yourself.”

“So that dog who lives in the mirror is my self-image? He doesn’t look like he needs any help. He’s always got a tennis ball in his mouth. What more could he ask for?”

“No, it’s how you see yourself inside your head.”

“But I can’t see inside my head. Can you?” He rolls his eyes, trying to look at the back of his head. “Do I have a hole back there where you can see inside?” He shoves the back of his head at me. “Take a look. What’s my self-image doing? He better not be sitting on his backside on a fat couch watching nonsense on television.”

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #22 – A Walk with Fleegle

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Negotiating with Cookies #20 – Cheese for Fleegle

Published on September 12, 2014November 6, 2014 by Raud Kennedy2 Comments

Fleegle sits next to me on the couch, watching my every bite. “You know, the proper way to eat pizza is with your hands, not on a plate with a fork,” he says.

“And how would you know this?”

He jerks his nose at the television screen. “That’s how everyone on your television does it. Maybe you missed that lesson. You think I just sleep, but sometimes I watch it too.”

“Eating it by hand when it’s hot is a quick way to burn the roof of my mouth and ruin the whole pizza experience.”

“How’s that Parmesan taste?” Drool dangles from his lower lip. “Aren’t you glad you put on extra like I told you to?”

“Most of it has fallen off onto the plate.”

He licks his lips. The drool breaks free. “Yes, I’ve noticed. You’re lucky to have such a good plate cleaner handy.”

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #21 – Self Help

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #19 – Parmesan

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

Negotiating with Cookies #19 – Parmesan

Published on September 8, 2014September 22, 2014 by Raud Kennedy1 Comment

“Put more Parmesan cheese on it, Raud,” Fleegle says as I grate a block of it over the two slices of pizza on my plate. “Don’t hold back. Parmesan really completes the flavor. Go on, keep grating.”

“You’re drooling again,” I say.

Fleegle eyes the block of cheese in my hand. “That’s a smart move, buying that fresh block of Parmesan. It’s the best, far better than that sawdust in the green tube.”

“You would know. You stole the tube off the counter.”

“It’s not stealing when you leave it out free for the taking. The cardboard was almost better tasting than the cheese like substance inside it.”

“But it sure did soak up the drool.”

He nose bumps my leg. “You drool too, you know.”

“I do not.”

“Yes, you do. Go look at your pillow. You must dream of Parmesan in your sleep. I know I do, but the fresh stuff, not the tube stuff.”

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #20 – Cheese for Fleegle

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Negotiating with Cookies #16 – Pizza

Published on August 20, 2014September 22, 2014 by Raud Kennedy1 Comment

I end the call and set my phone on my desk.

Fleegle runs over and nose bumps my leg. “Pizza? You said pizza on the phone, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did. I just ordered one from the take and bake.”

He runs to the door leading to the garage. “Come on, let’s go.”

I remain seated. “Hold your horses. They need to make the pizza before we go pick it up. There isn’t any rush.”

His butt leads him through a spin of a circle. “What do you mean there’s no rush?” He spins another circle. “We need to go pick it up before someone else gets it. Like someone who isn’t busy holding their horses. Who are these horses anyway? Am I going to have to share my pizza with them?”

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #17 – Take and Bake

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #15 – Sharing, Or Not

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

Negotiating with Cookies #14 – Clothes

Published on August 11, 2014September 22, 2014 by Raud Kennedy6 Comments

In my bedroom, I pull off my shirt and put on a different one.

Fleegle sits on the bed watching. “Why that shirt? What was wrong with the first one?”

“I don’t feel like wearing it.”

“But you feel like wearing that one, and those pants?”

“What’s wrong with these pants?”

He snorts. “Nothing.”

Now he’s got me second guessing my pants.

“I’m sure they’re fine,” he says. “I’m just trying to understand what it means to wear clothes based on how you feel. If something good happens that makes you feel really happy, do you have to go home and change your clothes?”

“You could if you wanted. What do you do when you’re happy?”

“I’m always happy, that’s why I only need one suit of fur.”

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #13 – One Scoop, Two Scoops…

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Negotiating with Cookies #13 – One Scoop, Two Scoops…

Published on July 25, 2014November 6, 2014 by Raud KennedyLeave a comment

As I scoop kibble into Fleegle’s bowl, he spins in circles counter clockwise, always counter clockwise, and he sort of leads with his butt like a backwards circle.

“Keep it coming,” he says and spins another circle.

I pour in the third scoopful and tighten the lid back on the kibble container.

“What are you doing? That was only two. Just because you’re dieting doesn’t mean I need to. Don’t over identify with your dog, Raud.”

“That was three scoops.”

“No it wasn’t. It was only two.”

“You can’t count and spin at the same time.”

“I can too. I can multitask better than you anytime.”

“Big words big shot. Back them up.”

“I can walk and carry a stick. I can run and carry a ball, or two balls even, and sometimes three.”

I stare at him, nonplussed.

“Yeah, you can probably do those things too, huh?”

“That’s what I was thinking.”