“I don’t shed, no, not me.”
Tag: Dogs
My Teeth Are Bigger Than Your Teeth
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The Wrestlers
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Nails
Fleegle and Franny lay in the grass in the backyard licking the sides of their front paws obsessively.
When they notice me watching, Fleegle raises his head and says forlornly, “Raud, someone stole our dewclaws.”
They were removed when he was a puppy. “Don’t look at me. You showed up with four toed paws.”
He looks at where his dewclaws should be. “The dogs at the park have five toes on their paws. Where are our fifth toes?”
Franny looks up from her paw-goobering. “Yeah, we want them back.”
“You’ll have to talk to your matchmaker breeder about that,” I say.
“You mean Suzie has our toes? What, like in a drawer someplace?” Fleegle asks.
Franny tilts her head to the side. “Yuck, what if my toes get mixed up with Fleegle’s? I don’t want brown toes.”
Fleegle stands up. “We need to go to Eugene and get our toes back, Raud.”
Franny stands up too. “Yeah we do. Let’s go.”
I clear my throat, preparing to make a stand. “That reminds me. You’ve both been making a lot of clickity clack sounds when you walk on the wood floors. It must be time to trim the nails you do have.”
Fleegle starts to slink across the lawn toward the bamboo. “My nails are just fine. No trimming needed here.”
“But what about going to Eugene and retrieving your dew claws?” I ask. “They’ll need to be trimmed too.”
“Another time. I’ve got things to do,” he says and disappears into the bamboo.
“How about you, Franny? Are you ready for your nails to be trimmed?”
“You’re not trimming mine. Long nails are all the rage right now at the park. Did you pick up the pink polish I asked for?”
“I’m not going to paint your nails.”
“But I’ll paint yours if you do.”
Next Bartering with Biscuits – Mr. Pillow
Previous Bartering with Biscuits – Princess
First Bartering with Biscuits – The Puppy
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The Princess
I find a sunny spot in the backyard, line up my chair to make the most of the fall sun, and sit down to attempt some writing in my notepad. I open it to a fresh page, click the tab on my pen a few times, and wait for something to surface to inspire me.
It isn’t long before Fleegle emerges from the bamboo and is staring alongside me at the blank page too, and soon he is followed by his blond shadow, Franny.
“What are we doing?” she asks.
“Shush,” Fleegle says. “Raud might have writer’s block.”
“What’s writer’s block?”
“It’s when Raud can’t think of anything to write about.”
“Is that because his coconut brain is hollow?”
Fleegle pushes her away by shoving his butt in her direction. He nose bumps my notepad. “Maybe if you drew some meaty bones it might help get the ink flowing.”
I click the tab on my pen a few more times and look at Fleegle and Franny. “I didn’t think I had writer’s block until you two brought it up.”
“Ah, that’s the power of suggestion at work,” Fleegle says. “Now back to drawing those meaty bones.”
Franny pokes her head in. “Did you say he needed suggestions? Get your pen ready, Raud. I’m not too sure what writer’s block is but I’m pretty sure I don’t have it. I can tell you all sorts of things to write.”
“Back off, Franny, Raud’s going to draw me some bones.”
“No he’s not. He’s going to write down my story. Let me begin. Once upon a time there was a dog named Franny and she was the prettiest princess in the land. She had a super obedient servant named Fleegle who did everything she told him to do.”
“Hey, I’m not your servant.” Fleegle sees me writing and whines, “Raud, don’t write down what she says, we have bones to draw.”
Franny looks down her nose at me. “Read what you have so far, scribe.”
I look at the page. “Once upon a time there was a dog named Franny and she was the stinkiest dog on the block because her big friend Fleegle showed her where all the coyote poop was.”
Franny snorts her derision. “You left out ‘Princess’.”
Next Bartering with Biscuits – Nails
Previous Bartering with Biscuits – Dirt
First Bartering with Biscuits – The Puppy
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Dirt
“Franny, don’t eat that,” I say.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s dirt.”
“So?”
“Dogs aren’t supposed to eat dirt.”
“How would you know that? You’re not a dog.”
“Thank god for that or I’d have to floss the dirt out of my teeth every night before bed.”
Fleegle sniffs the dirt pile Franny has been eating. “He probably read it on one of his books on dogs.”
Franny’s tongue is dark brown with dirt. “Another book written by a two-legger.”
Dirt crumbs stick to Fleegle’s nose. “A two-legger who wishes he were a dog.”
“Yea, so he could eat dirt without being picked on by the other two-leggers,” Franny says and picks up another clod of dirt in her mouth. She looks at me. “Want some? Fleegle’s teaching me to share.”
Next Bartering with Biscuits – The Princess
Previous Bartering with Biscuits – Sharing the Canine Way
First Bartering with Biscuits – The Puppy
Gnawing the Bone 