When dogs inherited the earth, their society evolved into one somewhat like the human society that preceded it. The television equivalent of the day, a popular talking heads show dealing with current issues, Sniff This!, aired as frequently as the show’s producer could gather a panel of distinguished guests in the studio without any fights breaking out. Biting was tolerated, but breaking the skin was frowned upon. The host of Sniff This! was a schnauzer who wore his fur fashionably long to hide his eyes, which he felt put him at a conversational advantage. His black fur tonight glistened as always under the studio lights as two French poodles groomed him in the moments before the show went live. Continue reading “Sniff This! Part One”
Tag: Dogs
Dirt Mouth
I was living in the perfect city. The two-leggers who called it home with their “I heart Oregon” and “Diver Down” bumper stickers were a bunch of crumb-dropping couch hogs who couldn’t catch me even if they doubled up the batteries in their electric scooters. When it was mealtime I’d head to the nearest supermarket parking lot and pick myself out a nice fat shopper who looked the sort to barbeque year round. They were easy to smell with the scent of animal fat glistening from their pores and they left a stink trail even a puppy could follow in a downpour. I’d watch them go in and then wait for them to come out carrying my dinner. On their way back to their car, I’d tear into the plastic bags and spill their contents across the parking lot, then grab whatever meat they’d planned on grilling that evening. Continue reading “Dirt Mouth”
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Walking with the Dogs
As a dog trainer these past ten years, I’ve walked a lot of miles with dogs of various shapes and sizes and if they’ve taught me anything it’s that sometimes things need to be peed on twice. If the first squirt doesn’t get it, double back and tag it again.
Then there are times when just going through the motions of lifting the hind leg and squirting nothing, not even the smallest dribble, works just as well as the power shot.
And water. Drink it every chance you get, no matter what the source.
Gnawing the Bone 