Tag: laugh

Fleegle comes in through the dog door. “I saw a snake in the grass.”

“Really? A garner snake?”

“Yeah. I was going to eat it but it smelled like poo. You need to get off the couch and scoop the lawn, Raud.”

“You mean the snake had slithered through some of your poop so you let it live?”

“I don’t eat my own poop. My friend Hunter does that and I think it has messed with his head. He’s sort of weird and poop obsessed. They could stop feeding him and he’d be a perpetual motion machine.”

“So my staying on this couch, warm and cozy inside, and not scooping the lawn has saved a life?”

“Yes, but think of your lawn and all those bald patches forming under the poop and how all that turns to mud with the rain.” He looks down at the floor between his muddy paws. “And then that mud comes inside. What color did this floor used to be?”

“You mean underneath all of your muddy paw prints? Cream white and blue checked squares, but what was I thinking choosing any color other than brown for the floor?”

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Labrador Nirvana

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – Lunch

“Raud, it’s time to eat lunch,” Fleegle announces from his co-pilot seat in the car.

“I know, but we’re running late so we’re going to skip lunch today.”

“Skip lunch? What do you mean skip lunch?”

“You know that trick where you hold the cookie on your nose but don’t get to eat it?”

“I hate that trick,” he says quietly.

“That’s sort of like skipping lunch.”

“I don’t know how to do that trick.”

“Ha. You’re drooling now just thinking of having that cookie on your nose.”

Fleegle looks forlornly out the window. “I don’t put cookies on your nose.”

“Thankfully.”

Fleegle’s stomach grumbles. “Raud, it’s time to eat. Please put my lunch on my nose.”

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Sloth Spares a Life

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – Sandwiches

While walking through the park, Fleegle says, “That person looks sad and lonely.”

There are several people sitting on the row of park benches. “Who?” I ask.

“That woman sitting over there on that bench eating that sandwich all alone. Maybe we should walk over there and keep her company. I bet it would make her day.”

“And your motives have nothing to do with her sandwich?”

“Sharing makes people feel good. I thought I’d taught you that by now.”

“What about that big guy over on that bench? He’s all alone and he’s eat a sub sandwich that’s over a foot long.”

“There’s a reason he’s so big, and I don’t think it’s because he goes around sharing his sandwiches.”

“I didn’t know you were so judgmental,” I say.

“If I were living on the streets and given a choice between those two, I’d definitely choose the woman even though her sandwich is smaller. She’s so skinny you know she loves to share.”

“You haven’t lived a day of your life on the streets. You went from a padded whelping box to the living room couch without missing a beat, or a meal.”

“Are you questioning my street cred? There was the time I snuck out of the yard.”

“Yeah, and you went right next door into the neighbor’s garage, cleaned out their cat litter box, then ate a whole bag of cat food and passed out on their front lawn like a drunk frat boy.”

“You’re the fat boy, not me.”

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Lunch

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – Sunny-side Up

“How big is the universe?” Fleegle asks.

“It’s so big we don’t know how big it is.”

“That’s no answer.”

“I know, but there’s more. Some think there could be more than one universe. We might live in a multiverse of more universes than we can count.”

“I can count to ten, and sometimes up to thirteen when it involves treats.”

“And in this multiverse might be a world just like Earth but with an alternate timeline where dinosaurs never went extinct and you can count up to thirteen even when it doesn’t involve treats.”

“You mean a world where dogs ride T-Rex dinosaurs in parades like horses and you humans follow in the golf cart with the flat shovels?”

“Umm… yeah, something like that.”

“Oh, look at the time. It just flies listening to you chatter on about science. Let’s get you outside for your walk. Go fetch your leash, Raud.”

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Sunny-side Up

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – Fleegle Daydreams