Tag: Serial Fiction

Negotiating with Cookies – Auras

Published on by Raud KennedyLeave a comment

Fleegle and I are in the backyard. I’m reading. He’s sniffing around the grass.

“Raud, I think I can see your aura,” he says, his head cocked to the side as he stares at me.

“That’s just the sun setting behind me.”

“The sunset is red, your aura is blue. Are you feeling blue?” he asks.

“Maybe a little, but I don’t know if aura color is connected to one’s mood. What if my aura was pink? What mood would that be?”

“That would be the aura of someone in the mood for some strawberry yogurt. It’s pink.”

“Then wouldn’t blue mean it was time for some blueberries?”

“I don’t know, Raud, are you hungry for blueberries?”

“Now that you mention it, blueberries with vanilla yogurt sounds pretty tasty right now and it’s almost time for lunch.”

“So that’s what it means to be blue,” he says. “I like that better than being sad.”

“Can you see your own aura?” I ask.

“Yes, it’s red. It’s the red of a rare steak. After you eat your yogurt, can we barbecue for lunch?”

“Are you sure it’s not the red of an apple or a raspberry?”

“No. Steak, barbecue steak. Fire up those briquettes, Raud.”

 

 Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Another Reason for the Ball

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Negotiating with Cookies – The Dog Buddha

Published on by Raud Kennedy2 Comments

It has struck me recently that much of the conversations we have with one another consist of exchanging memes, whereas dogs are the anti-meme. Dogs understand cause and effect, such as how sitting next to me often makes me produce a biscuit, but they don’t believe something simply because it has been repeated to them by multitudes of people.

I could tell Fleegle the sky is blue until I loose my voice and he still wouldn’t believe me. “The sky is the sky,” he’d say. “Your words just get in your way of appreciating it. Doesn’t the sky consist of air and space and isn’t that what surrounds you now near the ground?”

“Yeah.”

“What is up there is the same as what’s near you and near me. I am you and you are me. The sky is also you.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Just more words, Raud. Why don’t you enjoy a popsicle. Become one with it. Maybe the sugar will help you understand. I like strawberry. In fact, I am the strawberry popsicle. Get me one and I’ll show you. I especially enjoy becoming one with the high fructose corn syrup, a sweetener that won’t fill you up and can never be satiated. Perfect for us Labrador Retrievers.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Auras

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – “Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas.”

Negotiating with Cookies #30 – Unemployed

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Fleegle walks over to where I’m reading in the backyard and sits next to me. “Raud, give me a cookie.”

“What for?”

“Because I want one, or maybe two. Yeah, give me two cookies.”

“You need to earn your cookies.”

“I’m sitting nicely, isn’t that enough?”

“It was when you were a puppy and still learning to sit and stay.”

“I’m still a puppy.”

“In the car you said you were a big dog, that you wouldn’t chew on the steering wheel.”

“No, I’m still a puppy. Would an adult dog do this?” With his rump still on the grass, he begins scooting across the lawn.

“He would if he wanted me to think he needed to go to the vet to get his butt checked.”

Fleegle lies down. “Look, I’m laying down. How about that?”

“Same as the Sit. You already know the Down.”

He jumps up and paws at the lawn. “Holy catbutt, Raud, what’s a dog have to do around here to earn himself a cookie? Is the backyard in some sort of recession?”

I look at him over the top of my book. “Tantrums won’t get you anywhere.”

He nose bumps my book. “Stop staring at those little black dots like they mean something, you’re not fooling anyone, and teach me something new so I can earn some cookies. I need a job.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #31 – Green Fleegle

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #29 – Nap Time

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

Negotiating with Cookies #29 – Nap Time

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Fleegle licks his bowl after finishing his dinner of raw poultry blend and vegetables.

“So how was it?” I ask.

He sits by his bowl. “That was the best dinner I’ve ever had. Give me more.”

“Better than the time you stole the baked ham off the counter?”

“Yep, and as I’ve told you before, it’s not stealing if you leave it out for the taking.”

“Was it better than the baked Cornish hen that disappeared from the grocery bag?”

“Oh yeah, much better. That was way too salty for my taste, at least it would’ve been if I’d been involved in its disappearance.”

“Better than the sugar cookies?”

“Those gave me the toots.” He starts for the den.

“Don’t I know it. Where are you going?”

“My couch in the den to sleep. I think I’ll nap until it’s time to eat again. That meat is a heavy number.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #30 – Unemployed

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #28 – Poultry Blend

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

Negotiating with Cookies #28 – Poultry Blend

Published on by Raud Kennedy1 Comment

We pull into the parking lot of the Ponderosa Meat Market. Fleegle sniffs the air blowing through the five inch gap at the top of his window. “What is this place? It’s making me excited and I don’t know why.”

I smile. “You’re going to try something new for dinner.”

“I am? Something other than kibble?” He looks around the parking lot and sniffs the air again. “I don’t see the take and bake pizza place.”

“No, not pizza. Stay here, and no chewing on the steering wheel because you’re excited.” I get out of the car, then add through the open window, “Or pulling the padding out of my seat cushion.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a big boy now. I don’t do that anymore.”

A few minutes later I return carrying a case of Ponderosa Poultry Blend. I put it in the back and hop in front. Fleegle jumps in back, his tail wagging furiously, and licks the box all over like it’s smothered in gravy. “This smells incredible. What’s in the box?” He grabs one of its corners in his mouth and tries to tear it open.

“Raw chicken frames, necks, backs, all ground together and frozen in two pound packets.”

Eyes glossy, mouth drooling, he pulls at the edge of a plastic packet wrapper sticking out of one of the handle holes on the side of the box.

“Fleegle, leave it and get in front.”

“No, I’m gong to eat this.”

“Plastic wrapper and all? You remember the last time you ate plastic?”

He pauses in his efforts to pull the packet through the handle hole. “Yes, it was a yogurt container I chewed up in the backyard. The plastic made me throw up the next day.”

“In multiple places.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #29 – Nap Time

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #27 – Kibble Run

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

Negotiating with Cookies #27 – Kibble Run

Published on by Raud Kennedy2 Comments

Fleegle and I park in front of the pet supply store.

“I’m coming with,” Fleegle announces.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I take hold of his leash and we hop out of the car.

The store entrance is lined with dog toys from squeaky balls to fluffy pink bunnies.

Fleegle stops and stares at a fuzzy toy puppy on the top shelf. “Look, Raud, the stork has been here,” he says, referring to the story I told him about where babies come from, that storks bring them.

“Maybe a toy stork.”

Fleegle sniffs in its direction. “Oh, he’s good. Had me fooled, almost as good as you.”

“How do you mean?”

“Sometimes when you’re watching your television you don’t move for so long that I think you might be a stuffed toy. That’s when I bump you in the back of your head with my nose, just to check that you’re real.”

“A cold wet nose.”

“When you’re bald it will be even colder.”

I make a sour face at him. “If I go bald I’ll wear a hat to stay warm.”

“Bald or not, you’re the same Raud to me.”

We hit the food aisle and I pull a bag of kibble off the shelf and Fleegle sniffs it.

“Does it smell fresh?” I ask.

He looks up at me. “Define fresh.”

I look at the sell by date. It’s a long ways out. “As you would say, Fleegle, you could run to the moon and back and it would still be fresh.”

He cocks his head to the side. “Like I said, define fresh.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #28 – Poultry Blend

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #26 – Piercings

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt