Short Story – Page 2 – Gnawing the Bone

Chapter 14 – The Biggest Brain Of Them All

Published on September 2, 2016September 12, 2016 by Raud Kennedy1 Comment

I sit in the backyard half reading a book on dog biology and half watching Fleegle and Franny wrestle in the fresh cut grass. After a while, they tire and start chewing on a long stick, one on either end. Franny is now seven months old and still substantially smaller than Fleegle, especially her head.

I put my book down. “You know, Fleegle, looking at you next to Franny makes me realize just how big your head is. I swear, it’s almost as big as mine.”

Fleegle lets go of the stick. “No, Raud, it’s bigger than yours, especially in the part that counts, my brain. The size of my brain makes yours look like a peanut.”

“Shelled or unshelled?” Franny asks.

I hold the book up in my lap. “This here book about dogs says your brain is the size of a walnut.”

Fleegle tilts his head to the side. “And who wrote this book? A dog?”

“Of course not.”

“Exactly. Just more lies to cover up the biggest lie of them all, that people have more than a peanut for a brain. You’ve heard the saying, ‘victoribus spolia’?”

“Um, no, I haven’t.”

“It’s a Latin quote from Julius Cesar’s dog, Maximus Canis, and it translates as ‘To the victors go the spoils.’”

“Actually, the phrase is attributed to a Jacksonian Democrat in the presidential election of 1828 after Andrew Jackson won the presidency.”

“Which is my point. The winner writes the history books,” he says.

I set my book down again. “So if dogs have such big brains, why are the peanut brains running the world?”

Fleegle shakes his head sadly at me. “Oh, Raud, the peanut brains only think they do. Your brains don’t have the capacity to understand the bigger picture of what’s really going on. You’re just a small part of a vast social experiment us dogs are conducting, but don’t worry, I’ll write up my report on you as favorably as I can.” He licks his lips. I sense a request for a bribe is coming. “Within limits, that is.”

Franny looks over at Fleegle. “So is peanut butter really brain butter from people? I don’t want anymore of that in my Kong if it is.”

Next chapter – The Boy Bits Of God

Previous chapter – Digging

First chapter – The Puppy

Chapter 12 – The Sky Is Falling

Published on August 18, 2016August 22, 2016 by Raud Kennedy1 Comment

I’m greeted at the front door by a wide-eyed Fleegle with his ears pinned back with worry.

“Raud, thank the god of stray people you found your way home. Just before you got here I heard this terribly loud rumble and the ground shook all through the house. I thought the sky had finally begun to fall and was crashing into the driveway. Then just as quickly as it began, it stopped.”

“That was me pulling into the driveway.”

“No it wasn’t. I know the sound of our car from miles away. It sounds nothing like that.”

“I wasn’t driving the Element, I was in the truck. I finally got it running again after sitting in the driveway for five years.”

“We have a truck?”

“Yep, that old Ford F250 from the 70s. I just realized it’s been sitting there broken down longer than you are old.”

“You mean that giant lawn ornament you climb up on to trim the tree next to it? I didn’t know that was ours.”

“That’s the one, but it’s not like it’s sitting on blocks in the middle of the front lawn. It’s been parked in the driveway.”

“With the ivy growing over it,” he says.

“Now I can trim the ivy without climbing under the truck.”

“Uh-ho, you better lock this door, Raud,” Fleegle says, nudging the front door closed behind me with his nose.

“Why?”

“You’ve gone and taken the gnomes home for a spin around the neighborhood. He’s been living in that truck.”

“I’ve done one better than that, I’ve loaded the truck bed up with two cubic yards of Douglas-fir bark dust. I’m finally getting rid of that front lawn.”

“The gnome isn’t going to like that. We better shut and lock all the windows and doors. He could attack any minute. You never know what an angry gnome will do.”

“There are no gnomes in the front yard. There’s nothing out there but a dead lawn.”

“Raud, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not exactly known for your powers of observation.”

Franny ambles down the hallway from the bedroom, yawning. “I just had the strangest dream. I dreamt a little guy with a long beard and a pointy red hat crawled in through the bedroom window.”

Fleegle slow wags his head. “And she ain’t talking about Santa.”

* * *

That evening when I climb in bed I feel something very itchy against my legs. I push back the covers to see what it is. “Okay, which one of you tracked in the bark dust?”

Fleegle and Franny exchange a look, then both say to me, “Not us, Raud, it was the gnome.”

Next chapter – Digging

Previous chapter – Truth

First Chapter – The Puppy

Fleegle is man’s best friend, and his owner, Raud, who fancies himself a dog trainer, thinks he’s making great progress with Fleegle’s training, but Fleegle knows the true scoop on who is really being trained. Lucky for Raud, Fleegle just happens to be one of the best people trainers around.

Does that descriptions capture the series about right? I’ve always found writing book description blurbs challenging.

Negotiating with Cookies: A Collection of Short Shorts available on Amazon.

Chapter one – Stinky Butt