Fat Shmat

Raud Kennedy - gnawing the bone - sadieI talk to my dogs. Anyone who has dogs talks to them. Even people without them talk to dogs when they meet them on the sidewalk or in Home Depot. When I talk to my dogs, I answer back for them in my dog voice.

“Do you want to lick the bucket?” I ask Sadie, my golden retriever, after finishing a tub of yogurt and setting it on the floor.

“You really need to ask that after all these years?” Sadie answers back in my dog voice. “For a dog trainer, you’re not very observant. Maybe we should practice. Go get some more buckets, ask me if I want to lick them, then put them on the floor.”

When the bucket is licked clean, I pick it up and say, “Boy, that sure is clean. You’re a good bucket cleaner.”

“I’m a specialist. What else do you have to clean? I feel like cleaning cottage cheese.”

“Cottage cheese will make you fat.”

“Fat shmat,” Sadie says. “Not that bland non-fat brand you bring home.”

“Look, I’ll make popcorn later for when we watch the DVD. How’s that sound?”

“Ooo, I like popcorn. With butter?”

“Yes, with butter.”

By the time I finish this conversational exchange, I’m half convinced Sadie actually said all that about cottage cheese and butter and is eagerly awaiting me to make popcorn. Her face certainly says so as she follows me into my office.

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10 thoughts on “Fat Shmat

  1. Hi Raud. I have enjoyed reading your posts immensely! I too talk to all of my animals (2 dogs & 2 cats currently, though I’ve had horses, goats, birds, rabbits & a wolf as well). Your dogs are beautiful, and I’m sure they provide you with lots of entertainment & love! Recently I began writing my 2nd book, about animals talking & what they might say, (It may have to be “bleeped” on occasion for the younger readers) so your posts hit right on target to inspire me. Thanks! I look forward to reading more. 🙂

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    1. Have you found any first person narrative novels or story collections with the dog as the narrator that yo enjoyed? The most recent I’ve read is Bunnicula. It is a children’s story but I found it amusing as an adult. I read about half of Racing in the Rain, but the premise was so sad I stopped wanting to read it.

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  2. Ahhhhhhhh a fellow animal interpreter. I have been driving everyone crazy for years telling their take on life for those unfamiliar with dog/cat/bird/etc languages. The sweetness of the dog is hard to resist. Thanks for stopping by my blog – nice to meet another like myself.

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  3. Thanks so much for checking out my lifestyle blog Bmore Energy, http://bmoreenergy.wordpress.com/wp-admin, and liking Puppy Power. There’re more puppy posts since I just have to show off Lucy, my first dog ever. I talk for her, also, and sing to her, run with her and love her immensely. I’m also a writer and have found that furry dogs make excellent foot warmers while pounding away on the keyboard! 🙂

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  4. Thank you for visiting my blog and like my dog portrait. You have beautiful dogs. I would love to paint them, you have some great photos of them. I really love your header with the nose and tongue:). You have a fun blog.

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