Category: Dog Fiction

Negotiating with Cookies – Fleegle’s Conspiracy

Published on by Raud Kennedy6 Comments

“Do you breed people?” Fleegle asks.

“How do you mean?” I ask.

“Well, people breed dogs. You’ve talked about my breeder, Suzie. So do you breed people? Does Suzie breed people?”

I look at him with my head cocked to the side.

“Do people breed people?” he asks again.

“No, they don’t.”

“What about arranged marriages? My parents’ pairing was arranged. What’s the difference between arranged marriages and arranged pairings?”

I glance out the den window at the bird feeders. I’m in luck. A squirrel is sitting on top of the big feeder gorging himself on the sunflower seeds. “Ooo,” I coo, staring outside. “Someone is hungry.”

“Squirrel,” Fleegle barks and bolts through his dog door.

When he returns he’s a dog with a bone. “You didn’t answer my question.”

I hang my head and look ashamed. “That’s because the answer is a little embarrassing.”

“I knew it. Neighborhoods are big breeding districts used as a way to control the pairings, am I right?” Fleegle, the conspiracy theorist.

“Um, no,” I say. “People are bred by squirrels so there’s someone tall enough to refill the bird feeders.”

“Oh, so you mean the squirrels control the breeding programs in the neighborhoods?”

I scratch my head. “Um, yes, that must be it.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Tattoos

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – The Pyramids of Petco

Negotiating with Cookies – The Pyramids of Petco

Published on by Raud Kennedy4 Comments

“Raud, if you could go anywhere in a blink of an eye, where would you go?” Fleegle asks.

“Could I blink myself back? Or would I have to take the bus back?”

“You could blink your way back.”

“Then I’d go to the pyramids in Egypt. I’ve always wanted to see them. What about you?”

“Petco for a squeaky ball.”

I grab my car keys off my desk. “We don’t need genie powers to blink us there. Come on, let’s go.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Fleegle’s Conspiracy

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – Buck

Negotiating with Cookies – Buck

Published on by Raud Kennedy2 Comments

“Fleegle, what does Buck from across the street look like?” I ask.

“He’s big, bigger than me, and very furry. He could clog the bathtub drain just by walking passed it. Why? I thought you’d seen him around.”

“Well, I was talking to the neighbors across the street, and they said they didn’t have a dog. They used to have a dog named Buck, but he got loose from their yard through a hole under the fence and got hit by a car.”

“Well that explains why the biscuits he’s been trading me for Roca taste so heavenly but never fill me up.”

“I think you’ve been seeing a ghost.”

“Hmm… You’ve never seen him then?”

“No,” I say.

“Don’t worry about it. I see a lot of things you don’t see.”

“Apparently.” I pat his back. “Did you know he was a ghost?”

“It had crossed my mind, but it didn’t matter. I mean, dead or alive, he’s still Buck, and I like Buck. He’s my friend.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – The Pyramids of Petco

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – Truffles

Negotiating with Cookies – Truffles

Published on by Raud Kennedy2 Comments

I’m sitting on the couch watching something pointless on television when Fleegle starts nudging the back of my head with his nose, and it’s not just a nose bump, but more like he’s a pig rooting for truffles.

“Fleegle, what are you doing?”

“Where are they?”

“Where are what?”

He stops nudging the back of my head. “I overheard someone say you had eyes in the back of your head.”

“That’s a figure of speech.”

“A what?”

“Just something people say to imply you knew they were coming when you actually didn’t know they were.”

“So you have no eyes in the back of your head?”

“No,” I say and adjust my glasses for watching television.

“Then where are they? I heard someone else call you four eyes.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Buck

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – Knock Knock

Negotiating with Cookies – Knock Knock

Published on by Raud Kennedy1 Comment

“Knock knock, how many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?” Fleegle asks.

“I don’t know, how many?” I say.

“Just one, but it takes a hundred to make the television commercial that tells you people which one to buy.”

“Ha-ha, very funny, Fleegle. How many dogs does it take to eat a biscuit?”

“Just one, me.”

“Nope, none. We’re all out.”

Fleegle grunts. “How many lazy couch potatoes does it take to go to the store to buy more?”

“None. I’m not moving. Potatoes can’t walk.”

He turns to his dog door. “I’ll get a couple sticks to poke in you for legs. Thank goodness for my sandbox and Buck’s trade in biscuits.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Truffles

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – Fleegle Goes into Business

Negotiating with Cookies – Fleegle Goes into Business

Published on by Raud KennedyLeave a comment

“Raud, we should get a cat.”

“Why?”

“Because Buck from across the street says he’ll trade me one of his biscuits for every piece of kitty Roca I can come up with.”

“You don’t need to live with a cat for that. A sandbox in the backyard will get you what you want.”

“Are you sure?”

“I know of what I speak. When I was a little boy I had a sandbox and the neighbor’s cats were in it as much as I was and they weren’t there to play.”

“It’s hard to imagine you being little.”

“”Wow, Fleegle, you’ll be all grown up and earning your own kibble, a dog with a booming trade business, and I won’t have to buy you anymore kibble.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Knock Knock

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – The True Purpose for Pockets