Greasy Heroes

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Raud Kennedy - Heroes
“What was that?”

Dean watched his dog dream of chasing footloose dollar drive-thru burgers across the backyard. They were dropping from the gray sky like the 82nd Airborne, hundreds of them, no, thousands of them, invading the whole neighborhood, no, all of Portland, no, the entire planet. The budget burgers were here to conquer the world and the only thing preventing them from drowning all two-leggers in watered downed ketchup and shooting their arteries with grease bullets, was Dean’s dog, Pickles. Continue reading “Greasy Heroes” →

Fleegle’s Advice to his Dog-Friends

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Raud Kennedy - Fleegle's Advice to his Dog-Friends
Fleegle Says

At six months old, this is what I’ve learned so far:

  • Lean hamburger is good, but the fatty kind is healthier for you.
  • Cat food is good for dogs too. It’s an urban myth that it gives us gas.
  • Dog poop should be left where it lands. Cat poop should be picked up diligently–by dogs.
  • Picking up poop is very unhealthy for two-leggers, but eating it is just fine for us dogs.
  • Having four legs is definitely more graceful than just two, but a bucketful of chicken legs from KFC beats both.
  • Barking gets you what you want, but whining will get it faster, and the higher pitch the whine the quicker the two-legger will snap to it.
  • A cute play bow will trump a growl in any encounter.
  • Snoring is beautiful. It comforts your two-legger to know you’re near and that helps them sleep.
  • Grooming is best done at 3am on your two-legger’s bed, preferably while sharing the pillow.
  • If your stomach is upset, 3am is also the time to puke, also preferably on the bed but not on the pillow. Use the foot of the bed. Your two-legger will appreciate you doing it so late because it will give them an excuse not to deal with it until morning.

Copilot

Published on by Raud Kennedy9 Comments

Raud Kennedy - CopilotI was crawling through traffic behind a bumper sticker that read, “God is my Copilot.”

I looked over at Nut Breath, sitting in my copilot seat, and asked what he thought about this. He was far too busy with his personal hygiene to answer.

The Pinch

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Raud Kennedy - the pinch
Willie today in 2013.

In 2002, Willie was a year old German shepherd running loose on the streets of Austin, Texas when animal control caught him and put him in the pound. He went unclaimed and unadopted and was scheduled to be euthanized, but on his last day the Austin German Shepherd Rescue picked him up, drove him north thirty miles to the Triple Crown Academy for Dog Trainers and left him there for the students to train.

That was where I met him. He was one of several dogs assigned to me as a student to train. He was an underfed, ragged looking, long haired shepherd that looked more coyote than German. He wasn’t loose on the streets without reason. He liked to have staring contests with other big males that would quickly escalate to outburst of barking and lunging on the leash, and he was also skittish around strangers. Continue reading “The Pinch” →