Negotiating with Cookies – Another Reason for the Ball

“Raud, who invented the tennis ball?” Fleegle asks, mouthing his ball. “Did God invent the tennis ball?”

“Do you mean the God of the Sunday televangelist in the frosty blue suit with white lapels telling you to call the 1-800 God Needs Your Money number, or the Higher Source of the cult guru teaching simplicity so you’ll sell your car, your house, all your worldly goods and make a large donation to his ashram?”

“Oh, did I say God? My dyslexia must be acting up, I meant to say Dog.” He mouths his ball some more. “I’m pretty sure Dog invented the tennis ball so you’d have something fun to take your mind off of your religious worries.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – The True Purpose for Pockets

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – Auras

Negotiating with Cookies – “Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.”

When the movie ends, I click off the television and rise from the couch. “It’s late. I’m going to bed.”

Fleegle remains on his donut bed curled by the fireplace. Hanging above him from the mantle are the giant stockings with our names embroidered on them waiting for Santa to fill them with Christmas goodies. He looks up past them at the plate of cookies and glass of milk I put on the mantle for Santa. “I’m staying here,” he says.

“No stealing Santa’s cookies.”

“I wouldn’t do that. I’m going to ask him to share.”

“You want him to fill your stocking and share his cookies?” I say and go to bed, figuring I’ll get up in a of couple hours after Fleegle has fallen asleep and adjust the scene of Santa’s visit accordingly, but when I do eventually wake up, it’s from Fleegle jumping on the bed.

“Did you get tired of waiting for Santa?” I ask.

“No, not at all. He was really nice and gave me all the cookies but kept the milk for himself. He said climbing up and down chimneys was thirsty work. Next year he wants a beer instead of milk, a heavy, frothy German beer. He was very specific about it not being a light beer, and Mrs. Klaus thinks he might be getting lactose intolerant and he hates soy.”

“You’re in charge of remembering that,” I say sleepily. “No mess then?”

“Nope, except for some crumbs. Santa didn’t lick his plate.”

When the sun rises and I finally get up, I find Santa’s plate and milk glass where I left them on the mantle, but bare and empty. Fleegle is tall when he stands on his back legs and puts his front paws up on things. The kitchen counters are all within range of his tongue, but I’m puzzled how he could reach the mantle above the fireplace. And there are cookie crumbs still on the plate, something Fleegle would never leave behind.

Then I notice our stockings are chubby and full, mine with assorted candies and gummy bears, and Fleegle’s has a rawhide bone sticking out of the top of it.

I hear Fleegle’s nails on the floor behind me. “Santa made me promise not to chew on it until you were there to watch. He said I shouldn’t chew it all in one sitting.”

I turn and look at him. “Santa?” As far as I know Santa never got out of bed to stage the scene.

“Yeah, Santa. Big guy, red suit, smells like reindeer poop.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – The Dog Buddha

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies – Chapstick

Negotiating with Cookies – Fleegle Delivers the Mail

“Raud, can we go for a walk?”

Rain taps against the den window. “When it stops raining.”

“Let’s go now. You can wear a hat. You like hats.”

“If you need to pee, use your yard.”

“But I want to pee in someone else’s yard.”

*   *   *

After the rain passes, we go for a walk around the neighborhood. Fleegle stops to lift his leg on the post of yet another mail box. A dog barks at us from the picture window of the house the box belongs to, slobber marks all over the glass.

I say, “That’s the fourth box you’ve tagged.”

Fleegle continues to pee as he watches the dog in the window go crazy. “I know, ain’t it fun. Just wait until I go poopers on his lawn.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies – Stone Noses

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies- Turkey, Turkey and More Turkey

Negotiating with Cookies #35 – Cheating

“That dog has the fastest legs of any dog I’ve met,” Fleegle says about Ozzy, the dog he’s playing fetch with.

Ozzy returns with the ball. I trade him a treat for it and place it in the Chuck-It. “That’s why I taught you to cheat,” I say.

“I don’t cheat, I’m observant. Ozzy just doesn’t spot when you fake a throw in one direction and pull a switch at the last second.”

“But you do.”

“Raud, let me tell you about the Labrador and the hare.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #36 – Fleas

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #34 – Monkey’s

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

Negotiating with Cookies #34 – Monkey’s

I open the door leading to the garage and Fleegle appears out of nowhere at my heels.

“Where are we going, Raud?”

“I feel like meatballs.”

“Ooo, Monkey Sub Shop?”

He jumps in the car ahead of me and we back out of the garage.

“Maybe Rich will give you some meat scraps to give to me,” Fleegle says and begins to drool. The man who makes the sandwiches doesn’t like to waste the end pieces of the meat and gives them to customers with dogs.

“You never know.”

*   *   *

When I return to the car with my meatball sub that includes a free nap, I also have a small bundle of end pieces and meat shavings for Fleegle. They consist of roast beef, pastrami, ham, turkey, salami, pepperoni, etc. If they put it on a sandwich, it leaves tidbits in the slicer for the lucky dog that shows up that day.

Bouncing from seat to seat, Fleegle repeats his mantra, “Oh yum, oh yum.”

He shoves his nose at the bundle as I open the car door.

“Scoot over,” I say. He stands shotgun and I get behind the wheel.

“I love Monkey Subs. They’re the best ever,” he says.

“But you’ve never had one, and I don’t think you’ve ever snatched my sandwich off my desk. That’s something I wouldn’t forget.”

He nose bumps the bundle in my hand. “But I’ve had most everything that goes into them. Boy, could I design them a sandwich fit for a dog.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #35 – Cheating

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #33 – Fleegle Squeaks Out

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

Negotiating with Cookies #31 – Green Fleegle

Through the open den window, comes the sound of the neighbors dragging their wheelie bin down their driveway to the curb for tomorrow morning’s garbage pickup. Napping on the couch, Fleegle’s ears snap to attention at the sound of tinkling glass as they carry out their recyclables. “Oh, boy, Raud. It’s garbage day. Let’s go for a walk.”

“You want to clean other people’s jam jars, huh?”

“Yeah, don’t you?”

“Um, no, but I’ll tag along for the walk.”

 

Next: Negotiating with Cookies #31 – Cats

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #30 – Unemployed

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt