Tag: chocolate labs

Greasy Heroes

Published on by Raud Kennedy7 Comments
Raud Kennedy - Heroes
“What was that?”

Dean watched his dog dream of chasing footloose dollar drive-thru burgers across the backyard. They were dropping from the gray sky like the 82nd Airborne, hundreds of them, no, thousands of them, invading the whole neighborhood, no, all of Portland, no, the entire planet. The budget burgers were here to conquer the world and the only thing preventing them from drowning all two-leggers in watered downed ketchup and shooting their arteries with grease bullets, was Dean’s dog, Pickles. Continue reading “Greasy Heroes” →

Fleegle’s Advice to his Dog-Friends

Published on by Raud Kennedy7 Comments
Raud Kennedy - Fleegle's Advice to his Dog-Friends
Fleegle Says

At six months old, this is what I’ve learned so far:

  • Lean hamburger is good, but the fatty kind is healthier for you.
  • Cat food is good for dogs too. It’s an urban myth that it gives us gas.
  • Dog poop should be left where it lands. Cat poop should be picked up diligently–by dogs.
  • Picking up poop is very unhealthy for two-leggers, but eating it is just fine for us dogs.
  • Having four legs is definitely more graceful than just two, but a bucketful of chicken legs from KFC beats both.
  • Barking gets you what you want, but whining will get it faster, and the higher pitch the whine the quicker the two-legger will snap to it.
  • A cute play bow will trump a growl in any encounter.
  • Snoring is beautiful. It comforts your two-legger to know you’re near and that helps them sleep.
  • Grooming is best done at 3am on your two-legger’s bed, preferably while sharing the pillow.
  • If your stomach is upset, 3am is also the time to puke, also preferably on the bed but not on the pillow. Use the foot of the bed. Your two-legger will appreciate you doing it so late because it will give them an excuse not to deal with it until morning.