Dogs – Page 89 – Gnawing the Bone

Greasy Heroes

Published on May 27, 2013December 24, 2013 by Raud Kennedy7 Comments

Raud Kennedy - Heroes — “What was that?”

Dean watched his dog dream of chasing footloose dollar drive-thru burgers across the backyard. They were dropping from the gray sky like the 82^nd Airborne, hundreds of them, no, thousands of them, invading the whole neighborhood, no, all of Portland, no, the entire planet. The budget burgers were here to conquer the world and the only thing preventing them from drowning all two-leggers in watered downed ketchup and shooting their arteries with grease bullets, was Dean’s dog, Pickles. Continue reading “Greasy Heroes” →

Fleegle’s Advice to his Dog-Friends

Published on May 25, 2013May 26, 2014 by Raud Kennedy7 Comments

At six months old, this is what I’ve learned so far:

Lean hamburger is good, but the fatty kind is healthier for you.
Cat food is good for dogs too. It’s an urban myth that it gives us gas.
Dog poop should be left where it lands. Cat poop should be picked up diligently–by dogs.
Picking up poop is very unhealthy for two-leggers, but eating it is just fine for us dogs.
Having four legs is definitely more graceful than just two, but a bucketful of chicken legs from KFC beats both.
Barking gets you what you want, but whining will get it faster, and the higher pitch the whine the quicker the two-legger will snap to it.
A cute play bow will trump a growl in any encounter.
Snoring is beautiful. It comforts your two-legger to know you’re near and that helps them sleep.
Grooming is best done at 3am on your two-legger’s bed, preferably while sharing the pillow.
If your stomach is upset, 3am is also the time to puke, also preferably on the bed but not on the pillow. Use the foot of the bed. Your two-legger will appreciate you doing it so late because it will give them an excuse not to deal with it until morning.

Copilot

Published on May 15, 2013December 24, 2013 by Raud Kennedy9 Comments

I was crawling through traffic behind a bumper sticker that read, “God is my Copilot.”

I looked over at Nut Breath, sitting in my copilot seat, and asked what he thought about this. He was far too busy with his personal hygiene to answer.

Secret Admirer

Published on May 11, 2013December 24, 2013 by Raud Kennedy9 Comments

The two dogs stood next to one another, sniffing the dog park ground for news.

“I’ve been sending my two-legger love poems for weeks now.”

“You’ve been doing what?”

“I felt sorry for him and he looked like he needed cheering up, but now he thinks he has a secret admirer, which is true, but he thinks it’s a two-legger woman who’s in love with him. Now I’m even more sorry for him.”

“You got to love the computer. With a pencil in your mouth you can type anything and you don’t even need the pencil to hit the buy button. I can do that with my nose. My two-legger should be getting six cases of canned chili from Preppers-R-Us any day now.” Continue reading “Secret Admirer” →

Dog Breath

Published on May 5, 2013 by Raud Kennedy11 Comments

When my dog, Wyatt, was dying of kidney failure, there was a distinct odor to his breath that my vet said was due to his failing kidneys. His breath had always been unique to him. None of the other dogs I encountered had his distinct odor of breath and I encountered a good many through work in the four years I had him. Early on I didn’t think much of it because he had a penchant for eating poop and I associated it with that and it wasn’t until the end that it became noticeably strong.

Recently, while playing with my five month old puppy, Fleegle, I smelled this same distinct odor on his breath. Fleegle is related to Wyatt. He was sired by one of Wyatt’s littermates and as I remembered my vet telling me there could be a genetic component to kidney disease in dogs, I began to worry. Continue reading “Dog Breath” →

Dog Souls

Published on April 21, 2013 by Raud Kennedy7 Comments

I believe in reincarnation, not because I grew up with the belief or because I have proof that people’s souls live life after life, but because my earliest memory is of dying. Sometime in the 1800s, I was badly injured as a young man while on an expedition in a land far from my home. I remember laying down in the thick grass on a hillside, too weak to continue, and wondering how I was ever going finish this trek when there were thousands of miles left, let alone get back home to family and friends. Then I closed my eyes and died. Continue reading “Dog Souls” →