Tag: dog fiction 2

The Racist Pea

Published on by Raud Kennedy5 Comments

Raud Kennedy - the racist peaSometimes when I’m on my walks with my two-legger and I see a Chihuahua, a little voice in my head will say, “There goes Pedro, stinking of beans.” It’s not my voice. It’s someone else’s because I like beans. Beans don’t stink, they smell good. Beans are food and I love food. All food. Even Costco biscuits. So it’s not even something I would think, let alone say.

Then I’ll see a Rottweiler and the little voice will say, “There goes Tyson, looking for a fight.” I’ve met plenty of friendly Rotties so I know it’s not me saying that, even if I’m the only one who hears it inside my head. Sometimes when I hear these words, I wonder if I’m sharing my head with a little racist dog, like a twin who never completely formed, except as maybe a pea-sized part of my brain. Continue reading “The Racist Pea” →

Patterns

Published on by Raud Kennedy6 Comments

The dog sits in the back of the old dented Jeep, rust showing here and there under the dark green paint. The dog’s owner took off the top the first sunny day of summer and will forget about it until the rain comes in the fall. The dog is big and rangy with long fur in the black-and-tan saddle pattern of a German shepherd, and has upright ears that point in the direction of what he’s listening to.

He pants in the shade under the purple-leafed plum tree where his owner parked the Jeep in the Fred Meyer parking lot. It’s a big lot with plenty of action. People pull into it, park their cars and go into the store while others come out of the store pushing noisy shopping carts across the broken pavement and load up the backs of their SUVs. Continue reading “Patterns” →

Bushy Heads of Fur

Published on by Raud Kennedy5 Comments

Henry was a door-to-door salesman with a shock of bushy white hair. He’d grown up in the suburbs, knew suburbanites well and what they wanted. They’d embrace any device that made their lives easier so they could spend more time on the couch living their lives by remote. More and more of them lived by themselves. Chores no longer needed to be shared, they were automated, and what was left, like mowing the lawn, was hired out. With all this independence came loneliness, but like a blank spot in the garden was filled with a gnome, a void in a suburbanites life was filled with a dog, a little furry person to keep them company. Continue reading “Bushy Heads of Fur” →

Greasy Heroes

Published on by Raud Kennedy7 Comments
Raud Kennedy - Heroes
“What was that?”

Dean watched his dog dream of chasing footloose dollar drive-thru burgers across the backyard. They were dropping from the gray sky like the 82nd Airborne, hundreds of them, no, thousands of them, invading the whole neighborhood, no, all of Portland, no, the entire planet. The budget burgers were here to conquer the world and the only thing preventing them from drowning all two-leggers in watered downed ketchup and shooting their arteries with grease bullets, was Dean’s dog, Pickles. Continue reading “Greasy Heroes” →

Fleegle’s Advice to his Dog-Friends

Published on by Raud Kennedy7 Comments
Raud Kennedy - Fleegle's Advice to his Dog-Friends
Fleegle Says

At six months old, this is what I’ve learned so far:

  • Lean hamburger is good, but the fatty kind is healthier for you.
  • Cat food is good for dogs too. It’s an urban myth that it gives us gas.
  • Dog poop should be left where it lands. Cat poop should be picked up diligently–by dogs.
  • Picking up poop is very unhealthy for two-leggers, but eating it is just fine for us dogs.
  • Having four legs is definitely more graceful than just two, but a bucketful of chicken legs from KFC beats both.
  • Barking gets you what you want, but whining will get it faster, and the higher pitch the whine the quicker the two-legger will snap to it.
  • A cute play bow will trump a growl in any encounter.
  • Snoring is beautiful. It comforts your two-legger to know you’re near and that helps them sleep.
  • Grooming is best done at 3am on your two-legger’s bed, preferably while sharing the pillow.
  • If your stomach is upset, 3am is also the time to puke, also preferably on the bed but not on the pillow. Use the foot of the bed. Your two-legger will appreciate you doing it so late because it will give them an excuse not to deal with it until morning.

Secret Admirer

Published on by Raud Kennedy9 Comments

Raud Kennedy - Secret AdmirerThe two dogs stood next to one another, sniffing the dog park ground for news.

“I’ve been sending my two-legger love poems for weeks now.”

“You’ve been doing what?”

“I felt sorry for him and he looked like he needed cheering up, but now he thinks he has a secret admirer, which is true, but he thinks it’s a two-legger woman who’s in love with him. Now I’m even more sorry for him.”

“You got to love the computer. With a pencil in your mouth you can type anything and you don’t even need the pencil to hit the buy button. I can do that with my nose. My two-legger should be getting six cases of canned chili from Preppers-R-Us any day now.” Continue reading “Secret Admirer” →