Dogs – Page 51 – Gnawing the Bone

Negotiating with Cookies – Midlife

Published on April 22, 2015January 28, 2016 by Raud KennedyLeave a comment

“What’s a midlife crisis?” Fleegle asks.

“That’s when men in their 40s or 50s trade in the family car for a red sports car that seats two and start wearing jeans that are too tight.”

“What good is a car without a place to stretch out? Do women have midlife crisis?”

“Maybe, but the midlife crisis is more associated with men trying to be teenagers again, especially men who are recently divorced.”

“What about dogs? Do I get a red ball when I hit midlife?”

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Negotiating with Cookies – Dog Park

Published on April 21, 2015January 28, 2016 by Raud KennedyLeave a comment

Fleegle walks up to where I’m standing at the dog park, grumbling about something. “Petulant, spoiled, entitled, immature, arrogant, narcissistic, twit,” Fleegle says, rubbing his paw on his nose.

“Who are you talking about?” I ask.

“That poodle over there that bit me.”

“Where’d you learn all those words?”

“I’m just repeating what you said about the poodle’s owner when she cut you off in the parking lot in her shiny car.”

“Oh.”

“You know how Labradors are called Labs for short? Are poodles called poo?”

“When they bite you they are,” I say.

“Or cut you off,” Fleegle says.

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Negotiating with Cookies – The Morning After

Published on April 17, 2015April 20, 2015 by Raud KennedyLeave a comment

On a whim I decided to call MUFON, the Mutual UFO Network, and report last night’s encounter.

“Are you sure they weren’t gray?” their rep asks after I finish telling him my story. “Could they have been little gray dogs?”

“No, they were definitely not gray,” I say.

“It was dark, maybe the dim light just made them look some color other than gray.”

“They were brown, brown as mud.”

“Mud can be gray too.” There’s a pause on the line. I imagine the rep making a note of gray mud. “So did these grayish brown creatures have large almond shaped black orbs for eyes?”

“No, just normal, brown dog-eyes.”

“What about hands? Did they have four long skinny fingers?”

“Well, dogs have four toes on a paw if you don’t count the dewclaw which is often removed.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere. Let me recap what I have. You were woken by a bright light shining through your bedroom wall, then discovered a craft in your yard and encountered two four fingered Continue reading “Negotiating with Cookies – The Morning After” →

Negotiating with Cookies – Close Encounters of the Fleegle Kind

Published on April 16, 2015April 17, 2015 by Raud KennedyLeave a comment

I’m woken in the middle of the night by a brilliant light streaming through the bedroom blinds. The light shakes as if its source is from a police helicopter spotlight, but I don’t hear a helicopter or anything else. I get out of bed, lift one of the slats in the blinds and just as I look out, the light snaps off. I hope the rear neighbors haven’t gotten themselves a new freakishly bright porch light. The one they have now is pushing it. I don’t see anything out there but the bamboo in the yard has grown so much anything could be back there, even a small car.

“What are you looking at?” Fleegle asks, appearing at my side. “Are the squirrels rioting? I want the squirrels to riot. I riot of squirrels in my yard would be fun.”

“No, the squirrels are asleep. It was some sort of light shining through the window.”

Fleegle’s hackles get ruffled. “Intruders?”

I reach for the baseball bat leaning in the corner by the nightstand. Continue reading “Negotiating with Cookies – Close Encounters of the Fleegle Kind” →

Negotiating with Cookies – Lists

Published on April 15, 2015April 16, 2015 by Raud Kennedy2 Comments

“Whatcha doing, Raud?” Fleegle asks as he ambles into the kitchen.

“I’m making a grocery list for the store.”

“Are cookies on it? Make sure they are. We can never have enough cookies.”

“Yes, cookies are on it.”

“Put cookies on it again. That way you’ll get twice as much.”

“Here, I’ll put it on the list three times. How’s that suit you?”

“You’re the best, Raud. What else is on the list?”

“Bananas.”

“Ooo, I like bananas, put that down a few times too.”

I humor him and do. “I also have bar soap and shampoo on the list.”

“For you or for me?”

“Me.”

“Then that’s okay, but you only need it on the list once. If you get too much shampoo you might start thinking of using it on me.”

* * *

Later while on our walk, Fleegle pauses to lift his leg on a tree, then moves a fraction and lifts on another spot, and then a third and fourth spot, all on the same tree.

Eager to get on with our walk, I ask, “Fleegle, what are you doing?”

“Making a list.”

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Negotiating with Cookies – Conditioner

Published on April 14, 2015April 15, 2015 by Raud KennedyLeave a comment

“Age before beauty,” Fleegle says at the front door of our house as we arrive.

I glance down at him as I slide the door key into the lock. He’s covered in mud from being at the park in the rain. And he likes to lie down in puddles when he drinks. “I want you to go straight to the bathtub so we can rinse that dirt off of you.”

“It’s not dirt, Raud, it’s conditioner, and the directions on the puddle said to leave it in overnight and not to rinse.”

“My manatee butt it’s conditioner. I wasn’t born yesterday.” I open the door and point inside. “Bathtub.”

He backs up a couple paces and sits, never a good sign.

“Okay, how many cookies is it going to take to get you into that bath?”

“Two, before the bath and after,” he says and rises to go inside. Then over his shoulder he adds, “And no breaking one cookie in half and calling it two. I wasn’t born yesterday either.”

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