Negotiating with Cookies – Timid Timmy

The light turns red. I hit the brakes. It’s the zillionth red light in what seems to be a day of red lights. I must have done something to upset the traffic gods. I let out a few choice swear words as repentance.

Fleegle glances at me from the passenger seat, ears back, a worried look on his face.

He thinks I’m swearing at him. “Oh, not you. The light. It’s red.” It turns green and we go.

The next light, where I want to take a right, turns red too. There’s a car in front of us in the right turn lane and their right turn signal is flashing. I relax. There’s no traffic coming and they’ll turn soon. We won’t have to wait pointlessly. But they don’t turn. Instead they sit there waiting for the light to change to green.

I stare at the back of the driver’s head, gritting my teeth. It’s timid Timmy driving who’s afraid to take a right on a red.

“@#$%&!,” I say.

Fleegle gives me that worried look again.

“Don’t worry,” I say. “It’s not you.”

“If it’s not me, then who is it? I’m the only other one in this car and I’ve done nothing but sit here and smile at you.”

“I’m swearing at my imaginary friend, Timmy.”

“Oh? What’s Timmy done this time?”

“Timmy thinks he’s at home on his living room couch when he’s actually in his car asleep at the wheel with a string of people waiting behind him to turn right.”

Fleegle stares nonplussed out the windshield at the offending taillights in front of us. “Instead of swearing at your supposed friend, maybe you should imagine him to be less timid.”

 

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Negotiating with Cookies – Fleegle the Mommy

“You don’t think it’s too warm do you?” Fleegle asks, nudging the baby chicken in its cardboard corral under the heat lamp. We took an emergency trip to Aloha Seed and Feed and came home with their chicken starter kit.

“The book says 90 degrees and that’s what the thermometer reads.”

“Are you sure the food you got is tasty enough? Seems a little bland to me.” Crumbs are still stuck to his lips even after repeated lickings of his chops.

“Chickie Puffs are made specifically for chicks its age. Both its food and water are in special dishes to keep them clean and poop free.”

“More pine shavings for the floor then?”

“Fleegle, your chicken is just fine. Go eat your breakfast now. You’ve left it sitting out untouched all morning.”

“I can’t leave my chicken. Do you think you could move my bowl in here?”

A dog with a bone, a Fleegle with a chicken. I give in and move his food.

“And my water too, please.”

 

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Negotiating with Cookies – The Chicken or the Egg

Fleegle nudges me awake with his cold wet nose. “It’s hatching, Raud, the egg under my pillow is hatching.”

“What?” I say, reaching for the light. “That’s impossible.”

“I knew getting you to switch to free range eggs would do the trick.”

At three something in the morning, Fleegle and I stare captivated at the brown egg as little bits of shell come loose from it until a tiny beak appears through a small hole, followed by a feathered head.

“It’s clear the egg comes before the chicken,” Fleegle says as the chick climbs free from its shell and waddles to Fleegle for his warmth. He nuzzles it against his belly. “I bet it’s hungry. What do chickens eat?”

“I’ve no idea. I’ve been too busy eating them.”

Fleegle gives me a look. “Well, you better find out. It’s almost time for breakfast and what is the chicken going to think if on its first day here you’ve got nothing for him to eat? How about my kibble? Do you think it would like that? I sure like it.”

 

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Negotiating with Cookies – Matchmaker

“Raud, I think you should date a massage therapist,” Fleegle says.

“The last thing someone wants to do in their off time is more of what they do for work.”

“That would explain my limited training. I can blame that on you then?”

“Yep. Me and the lure of the couch.”

“And the television.”

“Most definitely the television. And sugar cravings which lead to sugar crashes.”

“On the couch,” he says.

“Yep.”

“So if we got rid of sugar, television and the couch, I’d be a lot better trained?”

“Yep, among other things.”

“Then I think you should date a dietician. Your logic says they live on macaroni and cheese and burgers all week long.”

“So you don’t mind being minimally trained?”

Fleegle smiles. “Let me put it this way, Raud. I may be minimally trained, but you certainly aren’t. Should I get your leash for you now?”

“Yes, please.”

 

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Negotiating with Cookies – Names

“Is my whole name, Fleegle Kennedy?” Fleegle asks me.

“Nope, your whole name is Fleegle.”

“You mean I’m not a Kennedy?”

“You’re a Fleegle.”

“Does that make you a Fleegle too.”

“No, I’m still a Kennedy.”

“Aren’t I adopted and doesn’t that make me a Kennedy?”

“You’re not adopted. You’re your own dog with your own name.”

“But you raised me.”

“I only showed you a few of the ropes.”

“I like tug of war.” Fleegle grows silent, thinking.

“What’s this about?” I ask.

“Most dogs have their family’s name and get two or three names, like Wiggles at the dog park, his full name is Wiggles Crowden-Popplewell. His owners aren’t married so they hyphenate.”

“You want more names? Technically, your name is whatever is on your papers.”

“I have papers?”

“Yes, but I never filled them out and sent them in because we never planned to compete in AKC stuff.”

“Can we fill them out now and I’ll choose my own name?”

“Sure. What are you going to name yourself?”

“Fleegle F. Fleegle.”

“The F. stands for your middle name?”

“Yes. Fleegle.”

“So your name will be…”

“Fleegle Fleegle Fleegle. Well, you know how you always have to my name three times to get my attention.”

 

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Negotiating with Cookies – Fleegle Wants a Remodel

While reading in the den I start to get that uncomfortable feeling that I’m being watched. I turn around and Fleegle is sitting behind me silently staring at the back of my head.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“I’m looking through your head and out through your eyes, seeing the world as you see it.”

“You’re a weird dog, you know that? So what do you see? Are you enjoying my book?”

“Well, it’s okay, but you read too much. Is staring at squiggles and dots on a page a form of that meditation you do trying to contact your higher self? Did your higher self finally fall from sky and land in this book?”

“Nope, not this book. The squiggles and dots tell a story about a man living on the moon.”

“He must really love cheese to live on the moon. Is there chocolate cheese?”

“There’s chocolate cheese cake.”

“Ooo, I’m going to dream about that in Fleegle World tonight so I can have some.”

“There’s also chocolate mousse,” I say.

“That must be why moose stay up north in the cold. Otherwise they’d melt in the summer and get licked up by squirrels.”

“And there’s chocolate covered ants.”

“The big carpenter ants or the tiny red ones that bite?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I’ve never had them.”

“Me neither. I’ve tried eating bees but they stung my tongue and they tasted like flowers. It’s much easier to just eat the flower.”

I get out of my chair and drop to all fours.

“What are you doing?” Fleegle asks.

“I’m looking at life from your perspective.”

“Really? Then take a look at my dog door. It needs to be bigger.”

“But you get in and out of it just fine.”

“Yes, but my sticks don’t.”

 

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