talking dogs – Page 10 – Gnawing the Bone

Meat Loaf

Published on June 25, 2013December 24, 2013 by Raud Kennedy4 Comments

When you sit down, I lie down on the floor near you. When you get up to leave, I rise to follow you from room to room. My favorite room is the kitchen. If you stayed in the kitchen all day long it would be fine with me. Even when you’re not cooking I can smell the scent from the previous night’s meal, and the one before that and before that, going back to my favorite—meatloaf.

You know those aging cowboy actors doing television ads praising beef? Saying there’s nothing like a US prime cut of beef, or something like that? Well, I don’t disagree with them, but boy, could I growl some praise about meatloaf. What a perfect food, seasoned with spices, then cooked to bring out the flavor. No annoying bones to chew around and slow you down, or boring vegetables to pick out. Just beef. And ground up like it’s been already chewed for you so all that’s left to do is swallow. It’s immediate gratification taken to its ultimate extreme. Continue reading “Meat Loaf” →

Fleegle’s Advice to his Dog-Friends

Published on May 25, 2013May 26, 2014 by Raud Kennedy7 Comments

At six months old, this is what I’ve learned so far:

Lean hamburger is good, but the fatty kind is healthier for you.
Cat food is good for dogs too. It’s an urban myth that it gives us gas.
Dog poop should be left where it lands. Cat poop should be picked up diligently–by dogs.
Picking up poop is very unhealthy for two-leggers, but eating it is just fine for us dogs.
Having four legs is definitely more graceful than just two, but a bucketful of chicken legs from KFC beats both.
Barking gets you what you want, but whining will get it faster, and the higher pitch the whine the quicker the two-legger will snap to it.
A cute play bow will trump a growl in any encounter.
Snoring is beautiful. It comforts your two-legger to know you’re near and that helps them sleep.
Grooming is best done at 3am on your two-legger’s bed, preferably while sharing the pillow.
If your stomach is upset, 3am is also the time to puke, also preferably on the bed but not on the pillow. Use the foot of the bed. Your two-legger will appreciate you doing it so late because it will give them an excuse not to deal with it until morning.

Sparkatus

Published on May 3, 2013December 24, 2013 by Raud Kennedy3 Comments

He looked like a genetically modified coconut standing on four fury legs in the middle of the dog park as he shook his head in disagreement with his friend and housemate. “No giant dog is going to fall from the sky and smash everyone’s backyard gate,” he said. “Sparkatus is a myth. Dogs throw his story around and the one about the Night of the Broken Gates when they’re bored and depressed, stuck in the their yard sniffing their own piles of… well, you know what I mean. And who can blame them? Not every dog gets out and travels like we do. I’ve peed on sixty-four trees just this morning.”

“Sparkatus is not a myth. He’s real,” said Coconut’s housemate, a mutt, who was big and round like a watermelon. “I talked to a friend on the way into the park who said he’s seen Sparkatus, that he’s in town, and that he actually sniffed his butt. Can you believe that? Sniffed the but of Sparkatus?” Continue reading “Sparkatus” →

The Poop Cult

Published on March 31, 2013June 16, 2014 by Raud Kennedy15 Comments

The two former strays stood at the edge of the dog park away from the other dogs. Recently adopted together, they were easing into a comfortable life of leisure. Both had a fair amount of border collie in them but one’s fur was rust and the other’s a blue merle. The rust just finished pooping a few paces away and steam rose from it in the morning chill. The man who had adopted them broke away from his friends and started across the sparse grass toward his two dogs, baggy in hand.

The rust walked over to the blue merle and bumped him with his hip, his gaze on their approaching two-legger. “Now watch him closely. He does this every time. Like one of those dogs in the kennel who’s caught the tail chasing crazies, he carefully picks up the poop in a baggy, ties it nice and tight like he doesn’t want to lose any, and carries it away. It’s some sort of obsession.” Continue reading “The Poop Cult” →

Nosy

Published on March 17, 2013December 24, 2013 by Raud Kennedy5 Comments

Holly was sitting on her bed after school texting her BFF Monica. “Calculus sucks.” She was math smart, a freshman in a class for juniors.

Ping, Monica texted back. “But the Brian is in your class.”

Both girls had mad text skills. “He’s so into himself and his friends he might as well be gay.”

Ping. “Hurt because he didn’t notice you in your new red dress?”

Yes, how could she not be, Holly thought. She liked her new dress and thought everyone else would too, especially the Brian since it was pretty tight fitting, so tight fitting that she thought her mom or dad was going to say something that morning about how high school freshmen shouldn’t wear such tight fitting dresses to school and tell her to go change her clothes. But neither said anything, not even raised an eyebrow. They were too in a rush to get hot coffee down their throats and be off to work. Parents, what are they good for? Continue reading “Nosy” →

You Can Be Whatever You Want to Be

Published on February 25, 2013January 29, 2016 by Raud Kennedy8 Comments

I was napping underneath Tina’s dangling feet—she was the smallest of my two-legger family—while she sat on the old red leather couch between her dad and granddad. Every now and then she brushed her toes against the fur on the top of my head. It woke me with a tickle, but I didn’t mind. Tina was my favorite being in the whole world and could do nothing that would bother me. I just lay there dozing and listening to what the old men had to say. Continue reading “You Can Be Whatever You Want to Be” →