Negotiating with Cookies – The Mathematics of Love

While watching a romantic comedy on television, Fleegle says, “Raud, I think you need a girlfriend.”

“Why?”

“Mathematics.”

“You’ll have to explain that for us who are not so mathematically inclined.”

“Well, if you gave me a cookie and you had a girlfriend, she would want to give me a cookie too. Then you would get worried that I might like her more than you, so you would give me another cookie, and then she would worry and give me another and on and on it would go. The mathematics of affection say it would be a boon to my tummy.”

“What if she doesn’t like dogs sleeping on the bed?”

“Don’t be silly. Who wouldn’t like that?”

“Maybe she has allergies, or maybe, god forbid, she’s a cat person.”

He goes back to watching the movie. “Okay, so maybe I should vet any prospects first. They’ll need to fill out a questionnaire. First question: Do you like cats?” He scratches his head. “Or even better: Do you like cats more than dogs?”

 

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Negotiating with Cookies – Fences and Holes

After dinner Fleegle goes into the backyard and barks at the night. I call him inside. “What was that about?”

“Buck, the dog across the street, wanted to know who was out in their yard tonight.”

“Did they block the hole he dug under his fence yet?” I ask.

“Yeah, but that won’t stop him. He’s digging another.”

“I’m afraid to ask, but why haven’t you dug a hole under your fence?”

“Who says I haven’t? The hole under the fence is every dog’s right of passage.”

 

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Negotiating with Cookies – Stone Noses

“I want to take a trip, Raud,” Fleegle says.

“Where to?”

“South Dakota.”

Cautiously, I ask, “Why?”

“That’s where those big faces in stone are carved in the mountainside, right?”

“Fleegle, I know where you’re going with this and you’re not going to pee on George Washington.”

“What about Jefferson?”

“No.”

He looks at me, hope glistening in his brown eyes. “Roosevelt?”

“No. And not Lincoln either.”

“Awe, come on. Haven’t you ever wanted to scent mark a giant sniffer? Just the thought of it makes me giggle. If I scent mark a sniffer, the whole world becomes my territory because no matter where that sniffer sniffs, it’ll be scented by me.”

“Driving a third of the way across the country is a long way to go for a pee.”

“But I could scent mark all that territory just by peeing out the car window.”

“Scent mark the side of the car is more like it. Your first idea of peeing on the sniffer is better.”

“Ah, so we’re going?”

 

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Negotiating with Cookies – Fleegle Delivers the Mail

“Raud, can we go for a walk?”

Rain taps against the den window. “When it stops raining.”

“Let’s go now. You can wear a hat. You like hats.”

“If you need to pee, use your yard.”

“But I want to pee in someone else’s yard.”

*   *   *

After the rain passes, we go for a walk around the neighborhood. Fleegle stops to lift his leg on the post of yet another mail box. A dog barks at us from the picture window of the house the box belongs to, slobber marks all over the glass.

I say, “That’s the fourth box you’ve tagged.”

Fleegle continues to pee as he watches the dog in the window go crazy. “I know, ain’t it fun. Just wait until I go poopers on his lawn.”

 

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